A Never-Ending Road

Dear James,

The roads we've walked together
As your hand has taken mine
Have been filled with sweetest blessings
Deepest joys, and love sublime

We've built our dreams along the highway

We've known some roads so rich with foliage
Inspiring, ever new
We've shared the golden mornings
Softly touched with early dew

Oh, some days the clouds have gathered
And the road's been rough to climb
Yet even this has held some beauty -
Because your hand held mine

Each step that we have taken
Each hour that we will share
Will be precious -
As long as you are there

We cannot see what lies beyond
The distance dims our view
Yet I shall cherish every step
As long as I'm with you

If prayers could all be answered
My constant prayer would be
That we'd walk a never-ending road
Throughout eternity

I Found You

The world is full of people
Countless, scores and scores
Peppered on the highways
The sidewalks, lakes and shores.

Going to the churches,
The schools, the campus grounds
Rushing in the cities
They're there, in quiet towns.

Yet, in this mass of people
How lonely one can feel
While he is seeking for his dream
His purpose to fulfill.

I've searched among these faces
For I have always known
That somewhere in this vastness
Was one for me -- alone.

I've thought as lovers passed me by
How lucky they must be
If only I could find the one
That God has planned for me.

And then one day I found you
I found you -- standing there
The one that I'd been looking for
The one whose life I'll share.

You're mine to hold forever
My world has just begun
You're mine to cherish always
For now -- we two are one.

Now little things have meaning
A smile, a gentle touch
The words you say and how they're said
Have come to mean so much.

The goldenness of Autumn
Will grown more golden still
For life is rich with meaning
Beautiful -- and real.

When winter drops her snowflakes
Or budding spring bursts through
It all will seem more lovely now
Because I'll be with you.

The world is full of people
But only one for me
To have, to hold, to cherish
Through all eternity.

My Glimpse Of Happiness

My Dear,

There's so much in my heart today as I reflect the years,
It's filled with mixed emotions -- laughter, hope -- and fears.

It's heavy laden -- packed with thoughts -- resentment, hate, defeat.
I look again and there I find -- contentment, memories sweet.

Then anger pulls my heartstrings, yet pulling just as strong
Are love and deep devotion -- may these outweigh the wrong.

Yes, woven through the good years now -- are disappointments too
Still threaded through the pattern are these words -- "I love you."

Dear God, lift out the bitterness that creeps into my heart
Lift up this shadow from me, make all the bad depart.

Oh dear God, forgive me if I show ungratefulness
For I am truly thankful for my glimpse of happiness!

But could it be I feel this way because I've known true bliss?
Because I've tasted heaven on earth? (I'll always cherish this).

When one has watched a rosebud unfolding to full bloom
His soul cries out, to see it plucked, it's beauty robbed too soon!

If footsteps could go backward how happy I would be
I'd never tire until I found my lost tranquility.

I do not know how long my feet will tread this path that's mine
Must I walk to eternity not finding joy sublime.

There's so much in my heart today, it's reaching out once more
To hold the peace, contentment -- that it has known before.

Yours,

Sweetheart

Sweetheart,

If I could write a letter and send it on it's way
Knowing it would reach you, I would like to say
How very much I miss you, how empty life now seems
Without you here beside me fulfilling all my dreams.

I never really realized, but all the beauties here
Were much enhanced and set aglow because I had you near.
Be with my now my skies are gray, help me to understand
And know that I must walk by faith for this is what He planned.

And God has been so good to me, to let you find me here
And share the joys upon this earth that we've known year by year,
The children that He gave us, you've been the proudest Dad
The tenderness that fills your eyes, recalling joys we've had.

I know that God will bless me, and may you be there too
To guide me through my rough spots as you've always seemed to do
And 'though we must say goodbye for now, I know that someday we
May be once again united for all eternity!

Your forever wife,
Orvetta

October 4, 1978

Orvetta's thoughts: James left me suddenly - October 4, 1978 - about 6 am (heart attack). As was expected the hours of the day went by with numbed feelings, much to do in a "bottomless" world.

I shall never forget going back into the bedroom that night and climbing into bed where I had watched him depart from me that morning. As I lay there, looking at dark walls, trying to comprehend the reality that he would never be there with me again, I turned my thoughts to what I could do to give him the funeral he would desire. And the impression came to me that he would want some lines of poetry from me. So I wrote this poem to him during the night of October 4, 1978.

I spoke it on tape and it was presented at the services, October 7, 1978.

Searching

As silent shadows slowly sink and close another day
My heart remains as heavy still since he went away

I reach and grope and try to find the beauty we once knew
The loveliness must still remain but clouded is my view

My ears are deaf to thrilling tones of earth and symphony
I'm smothered in my loneliness for all's been robbed from me

For all I cherished, all I loved has fled from my life's story
And left it drab and colorless -- drained from all it's glory

Gone -- is such final word -- my wounded spirit cries --
There is no way to heal this hurt -- my soul in mystery lies --

The threatening storm clouds cover me -- too much for me to bear
My world has crumbled -- all is lost -- for you're no longer there!

January 27, 1979

We're Going!

You told me we were going those many months ago,
To get my muu muu ready and get all set -- and so

My heart has caught the rhythm of South sea island seas,
My thoughts have swayed with grassy skirts and blossoms in the breeze.

I dream about our lazy hours, warm sand pressed through our toes,
An orange moon's reflections as the water gently flows.

For you life hasn't been so sweet, you've had too much to do,
Making contacts, closing sales, and seeing some fall through.

But when things look the darkest, the best in you starts showing.
I knew that you would make it since the day you said, "We're going."

I like a man who sets his goal and always follows through.
I like a man who keeps his word, and dear -- that man is you!

Your loving wife, Orvetta

1965
Orvetta's thoughts: Written prior to our departing for Hawaii (trip won by James in his insurance selling).

Valentine

To James,

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love you for the many things
You do from day to day -
I love you for your thoughtfulness
I love you when you're sad
I love you 'cause you need me
I love you when you're mad -
I love you 'cause you're loving --
And understanding too
But most of all I love you
Just because you're you!

Giving Father Honor

No verse have I from the five and ten,
Nor the drug store on the corner,
They all said just about the same,
In giving father honor.

So let me speak right from my heart,
And I'll sincerely say -
My love's increased one hundred fold
From nineteen years ago to-day.

I'm Glad That It Was Me

Dear Lord,

My thoughts keep building one by one since you called him up there
Oh let me pour them out to you -- for I would like to share --
These inner feelings hid inside that if it had to be --
That one of us should stay behind, I'm glad that it was me.

For though my days are dreary since he went away --
If I could choose I would not go and ask for him to stay.
For if he were her and I was there - how saddened I would be --
To look upon his loneliness and watch him long for me.

What hurt -- what pain I would endure to see his wistful gaze
On other couples lingering near, remembering our days.
I couldn't bear at close of day to see him coming home
And step inside these empty walls -- each endless night alone.

How heavy silence can become with no one near to break it
How far away the world can seem -- so easy to forsake it!
I'd see him settle in his chair, then place his thoughts on me
And sink away with graying day -- into his reverie

Reaching back into the past to feel our warmth and love
Crying helplessly within -- as I'd watch from up above.
Oh no, Dear Lord, I couldn't stand to look upon such sorrow,
To watch my love in suffering here -- until our new tomorrow.

And so my thoughts in circles go until I am aware --
That I must live the kind of life to make him happy there.
So tell him -- all is well with me -- that all our glorious years
Will linger on within my heart and far outweigh my tears.

That I shall walk by faith and hope and greet each day anew
And give to life the best I have because he wants me to
For if he would be happy I now so clearly see --
That I must too be happy here because he's watching me!

1978

He's Gone!

Don't let the music touch my empty ears -
It hurts
Erase the crimson stretched across the sky
My eyes are closed -
My heart
The hand lets fall the withered rose
He's gone!