I'm Glad That It Was Me

Dear Lord,

My thoughts keep building one by one since you called him up there
Oh let me pour them out to you -- for I would like to share --
These inner feelings hid inside that if it had to be --
That one of us should stay behind, I'm glad that it was me.

For though my days are dreary since he went away --
If I could choose I would not go and ask for him to stay.
For if he were her and I was there - how saddened I would be --
To look upon his loneliness and watch him long for me.

What hurt -- what pain I would endure to see his wistful gaze
On other couples lingering near, remembering our days.
I couldn't bear at close of day to see him coming home
And step inside these empty walls -- each endless night alone.

How heavy silence can become with no one near to break it
How far away the world can seem -- so easy to forsake it!
I'd see him settle in his chair, then place his thoughts on me
And sink away with graying day -- into his reverie

Reaching back into the past to feel our warmth and love
Crying helplessly within -- as I'd watch from up above.
Oh no, Dear Lord, I couldn't stand to look upon such sorrow,
To watch my love in suffering here -- until our new tomorrow.

And so my thoughts in circles go until I am aware --
That I must live the kind of life to make him happy there.
So tell him -- all is well with me -- that all our glorious years
Will linger on within my heart and far outweigh my tears.

That I shall walk by faith and hope and greet each day anew
And give to life the best I have because he wants me to
For if he would be happy I now so clearly see --
That I must too be happy here because he's watching me!

1978